1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
