He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Even my vagina gasped.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
