i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
