porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
