you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize