I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
