you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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