Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
