Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
