I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
