Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize