It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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