Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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