So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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