I'm lost and stupid without you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
