Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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