I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My vagina is officially offended.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
