My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
