Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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