I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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