her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
