Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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