Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
