the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
