She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
