Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
