I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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