My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize