Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
