You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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