Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
