There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
