planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
