I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize