You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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