do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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