Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
