We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
