I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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