my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
