hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need water and some morals
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
