I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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