I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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