we have officially lost it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
