currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize