I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
