There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
