ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize