dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
