Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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