So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Boobs speak an international language.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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