We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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