I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
