3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
