He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
