She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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