I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
