Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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