She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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