I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
