R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
