its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
