my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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