note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
