I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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