Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize