There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
