i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
