I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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