Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
