my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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