i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
