her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
