I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want to make out with him forever
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
