I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
