I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
