Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
