Apparently you make a good broom.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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