weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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