i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
