Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
