my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
