The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
