Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
