D3 body, D1 cock
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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