So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I fill condoms, not promises.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
