Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
