Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
