just come out here and I will go home with you...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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