I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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