its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
