You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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