mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
